33 Parenting Tests: Children Are Life's Smallest Professors #momlife #parentinghumor

When you become a parent, you are put through a series of tests like no other.  These are not your ordinary question/answer tests, but rather real-life, previously unimaginable tests given to you by your child(ren).  From the moment they are born, through the many years ahead, these beautiful little miracles test your ability to do many things, including how to....

• Change a diaper in complete darkness.
• Stop an unexpected pee fountain mid-stream.
• Correctly identify one scream from another.
• Remember to shower regularly.
• Get dressed in anything other than hooded sweatshirts and yoga pants for the first month (or more) of their tiny life.
• Answer the same question exactly 100 times in the same day. Repeat the next day.
• In a matter of seconds, put down a hot (okay, lukewarm) cup of coffee to sprint across the room and catch them as they are jumping off a table.
• Drive between the lines and follow all the rules of driving while they are screaming incessantly behind you.
• Remember the list for grocery shopping as you are packing the 100 items they need for the 30 minute trip out to the store.
• Clean a bathtub full of poop.
• Not vomit when they spit up into your mouth.
• Not be totally mortified when a co-worker or worse, a complete stranger, finds something mysterious in the back of your hair (i.e. chewed carrot).
• Use the bathroom while breastfeeding your baby.
• Remember to eat something other than their leftover meals or snacks (yum, fruit snacks).
• Clean a wet bed (and baby/kid) in the dark without fully waking up.
• Walk through your house, in the dark, without impaling yourself on a Lego.
• Reach into the toilet to depths unimaginable to retrieve whatever it is they shoved down there.
• Endlessly search the internet for that one lovey they lost at the park and won't sleep without and pay an ungodly amount for it to be delivered tomorrow.
• Cook a hot meal for everyone in your family that includes every important food group and isn't gross or burned or full of artificial ingredients.
• Find every sized screwdriver ever created for the hundreds of battery compartments you need to open and close.
• Not freak out and call an exorcist every time a random toy goes off after all the kids are bed.
• Watch the same Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode a thousand times.
• Help them blow their nose while driving.
• Catch vomit in a plastic shopping bag while driving.
• Find a lost toy in a matter of minutes after everyone else in the house has "looked" everywhere for it.
• Yell the right child/pet's name when they are doing something wrong.
• Not use the words "pee-pee" and "poo-pie" when telling an adult you need to use the bathroom.
• Not spray them in Lysol every time they return home from school.
• Read the same awful book before bedtime every single night without wanting to burn it in the fireplace.
• Assemble a toy using directions that are just pictures and make no sense.
• Know the names of every single superhero and Disney princess.
• Cutting up food to unimaginable pieces so that there is zero risk of choking. 
• Kiss a boo-boo and actually make it feel 100% better!

The reward? Pass or Fail, you always will end up with a toothless smile, a giant hug, a sloppy kiss and endless love. 

I'm sure I didn't cover every random "test" ever experienced by parents and I know I have many, many more to go through. However, there isn't a single one I wouldn't go through again.

Please comment below and share your experiences in your journey through parenthood. 

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